I know, I know, it has been nearly 2 weeks since I have last updated. I have thought about it a couple times. But most of you know my life is a bit overwhelmed right now. I'm pretty much living my life on auto-pilot. This has been a roller coaster ride and right now I feel like I'm hanging upside down in the middle of a loop! Which for me isn't a good feeling (maybe for some of you this is the type of adrenaline rush you thrive on, NOT ME!).
My first question is, Why did God lay it on my heart to take control of my weight AGAIN and make it publicly known exactly one week before my husband got diagnosed with cancer? This is a prime example of a reason to cause me to overeat! I can't say that I'm eating totally 100% healthy. But I can confidently say, I haven't ran out and stocked up on my favorite trigger foods either. I am walking the dog and going to CURVES, but I haven't totally turned that leaf all the way over yet. Our life right now is so chaotic, that I don't know what I am going to be doing the next hour. We go to a doctors appt expecting to do one thing and next thing I know we are always sitting in the hospital getting another test done.
Speaking for myself, I am emotionally, physically, and mentally drained! I can hardly carry on a conversation without saying, "I forgot what I was talking about." I'm functioning on very little sleep and my mind is racing a mile a minute with all kinds of thoughts and scenarios going through my head.
B has been diagnosed with a rare form of kidney cancer called Oncocytic Neoplasm. So rare in fact that the Oncologist we are seeing in Peoria has only seen 2 other cases and he has been practicing since 1977. B's kidney function deterioates a little more each day. I can see him becoming more exhausted and his patience are paper thin. He is usually a very laid back patient guy. I on the other hand...well we won't go there. Just don't get my order wrong at the drive thru right now...it might push me over the edge! FAIR WARNING!!! I know he isn't sleeping either and I can only imagine what his thought process is and how his body must feel. I think we are both just spent!
We continue to have procedures and doctor appts over the next 2 weeks. Anxiously awaiting our August 15 appt to put the puzzle together. In the mean time B has met with Dr Pflerderer which is B's mom's kidney dr. And he would like the kidneys to come out sooner rather than later. He is suggesting that with B's age and our lifestyle that B consider at home dialysis. So B would be able to still work full-time. Then would come home and have supper as a family and then 2-3 hours of dialysis 5-6 days a week. Essentially life as we know it would be over. B would need to be on dialysis and cancer free for at least 2 years before he would be considered for a transplant. That was a real blow to us. We have this image in our head of what life is going to be like and it seems in he will be under house arrest. He won't be able to go to E's ballgames, school programs, DQ after supper. And most importantly, in the summer take E for their nightly swim after supper. Again, these are all images in our heads. We are scheduled to take a 2 hour dialysis class next week. And I'm just overwhelmed. I'm not inclined to nursing, I can do a band aid but not much past that. And lets face it, I'm not really a compassionate person. I'm just not wired like that. So, I'm going to have to learn some bedside manner. I'm more of a you've got 2 legs, go get it yourself type gal!
Again, this is all kidney related stuff, we haven't even heard from the Oncologist yet, because we still have some tests scheduled. So we don't know if we are looking at chemo and radiation as well. We feel like we have been hit with a double whammy!
Still not a whole lot of answers. Hoping that I will be able to start blogging about what this blog is supposed to be about soon! Praying for a miracle to take place in B's body.
Hi! This is what this blog is about - what you are thinking about and feeling and how it relates to you and your health. Glad to hear you were resisting your comfort foods - that's a BIG deal with all that has been going on for you guys! -Sarah
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great! I don't know if this will help, but for the past year I have walked a similar journey of being sick and tired of being sick and tired with my weight and body image. I took a genetics test, that told me what my skinny genes are...ie what I should eat to best lose and maintain my weight and the level of exercise I need to burn fat. I lost 30 pounds in 5-6 months and have kept it off as a result. I still have another 20 to reach my ideal weight.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I wrote ALL that was to give you background on me. Since I lost me weight a very good friend and mentor of mine began helping other women on their journey. And we have had TREMENDOUS success. One story is of a 50+year old woman who started with us weighing about 295 pounds. Since November 2010 we have helped her lose 65pounds...about 30% of her initial weight.
Please let me know how I can help you, I have worked with women virtually as I have friends that have moved to different parts of the country. And feel free to check out my new blog sight (intended for anyone starting or already in this journey and to provide helpful information and encouragement in their journey). The blog sit is fitfocussgs.blogspot.com
May God bless you and keep you strong during these trials. I sincerely wish you and your husband all the best and will be praying for you both.