My Best Friend

What is the defintion of FRIEND? Per Websters it is: one attached to other by affection or esteem; a favored companion. That definition pretty much sums up my relationship to food. I favor it and there is some food that I have a deep affection for. Double Stuf Oreos being at the top of the list!

If you remember back on a earlier post, I spoke of our family moving from Illinois to Missouri. I was 10 years old at the time. A tough transition for a 5th grader in the middle of the school year. This is an age where we think we are independent; however we are not. But we really don't want to express to our parents that we don't know everything or that there are issues that we could use some help with. As I reflect back this is when I realized that food had become my "best friend"! It was always there, and it was the same food that I enjoyed in Illinois only now I was in Missouri. Where as my life had been turned upside down moving to a new state, new house, church, school, and etc. I had such a great group of friends in Illinois. I went to school and church with the same friends. When I moved to Missouri---none of the girls that went to our church went to my school. I was the odd man out and having red hair didn't help either. So what-- that I couldn't make the friends in Missouri. The Twinkies, Oatmeal Creme Pies, Oreos, Pop Tarts, frozen pizza. They were there AND they didn't care! There I would sit day in and day out all alone in my bedroom with my favorite foods while listening and singing along to my Amy Grant cassettes and gorging on junk food. This was pretty much my life for the next 3 years.

Then came my 8th grade year. I begged my parents to let me attend the local Christian School. It was a small school. But a good size for our community. There were 13 in my 1991 graduating class. We were a tight knit group of kids at SMCS and we did a lot together. I finally found some people that I could call "friends"! I felt included, and that I belonged. And I actually started to care about what I looked liked. So I didn't overeat as much as I used to. I was too busy having a social life. But when I hit bumps in the road I would find myself turning to Mountain Dew and Snickers to solve my problems. All through highschool I wore a size 10/12 and even a 14 sometimes. All my girlfriends were wearing 3/5 or 7/8's but they never cared about my weight they loved me for who I was on the inside not the outside. I was thrilled that I wore a size 9/10 dress to my highschool graduation. And on a side note--I was an outgoing, fun loving girl and I did have different boyfriends throughout highschool.

Then it was off to college...I went to college 4 hours away from home and I didn't know a soul when I got there. My first semester was a bit challenging trying to find friends, but I did. I loved every minute of college. Dominoes had a great deal, you could order a medium 1 topping pizza and a 2 liter of soda for $5. What do you think I ate most nights for supper? That was a sweet deal!! Plus I had a great mom that sent lots of care packages; and of course that always included some tasty treats as well! Although I wasn't neccessarily turning to food for comfort during college I always had an ample stash to snack on whenever the going got tough!

Fast Forward to about 15 years ago Brad and I were engaged to get married, Brad says I was a bit of a Bridezilla. (I don't recall! LOL) But with all the dynamics that come with getting married. The in-laws, moving in together, going on birth control, and becoming a married couple. It was a tough transition. I turned to food often during the first couple years of marriage. We had lots of friends before we got married but once we were the married couple our single friends quit hanging out with us. That was tough for both of us.

Then in 2003 we had E!! Our wonderful blessing from God that we had prayed and asked God to give us. She cried 9 hours a day for 9 months straight!! You bet I was eating a lot during that time. I felt all alone, and didn't know what in the world to do. So I would just eat and cry, eat and cry, and eat and cry some more. E has turned out to be an awesome, delightful little girl. However, she was very good birth control for a long while!!

When E was about 16 months old I decided to stay home full-time. I thought it would be great fun! I would get plugged into some Mommy groups in Morton and E and I would make lots of friends and life would be grand! This was NOT SO! You see, I don't have the right last name, and I'm not from Morton, I married into Morton. I just wasn't getting the warm fuzzies from these other moms. I thought I was included. But then I would be out and about and see everyone elses vans from my mommy group at one another's houses. And I wasn't invited?!? This happened all too often. So again, I would come home and eat and cry, eat and cry, and eat and cry some more. I was popular in highschool, popular in college. Why couldn't I make friends as an adult? I felt like I was in Jr. High all over again! Haven't I been there done that??

Anyways, when E was in Kindergarten I became friends with a great group of moms! They are AWESOME!! Most of them have been transplanted to Morton themselves and felt the same kind of angst I did trying to fit in. As a lot of you know on July 14 we found out that B has a rare form of kidney cancer. The past 2 weeks have been a roller coaster. This would typically be a time that I would definitely be turning to food for the comfort and solace that I need. But do you know what? I have a great network of support in these "new friends" and "old friends" too. I am proud to say that I haven't eaten in private, I haven't been gorging, I haven't been to the grocery store to buy my private stash! This is a time that I could typically put on 20lbs very quickly. B sees an Oncologist on Friday, July 22 and the waiting is so hard. But, I have leaned on God and my friends. And both have been very wonderful! And BUNCO gals you are the best; the timing was AWESOME for the card shower! So much love and appreciation goes out to my friends--my true network of support! Sorry Double Stuf Oreos---in Donald Trump's words---YOU'RE FIRED!!